Mr. Manners

Bravo learns etiquette

ByGeoff LoCicero

I am probably the last person in the world who should be reporting on an etiquette class, or—depending on your perspective—the one who could benefit most from its life lessons.

Let us review the highlights of my past social faux pas:

1976—Two friends and I insist on wearing baseball caps in our second-grade class and are convinced to do otherwise only when the three of us receive the special designation of “The Gentlemen's Club.”

1993—Three years out of college and I am written up on my yearly evaluation for failing to tuck in my shirt at work. Never mind that I am a copy editor and designer at a Birmingham newspaper who never leaves the office on a 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. shift.

1996—I manage to get shorts banned from the newsroom of The State newspaper when I show up in cut-off jeans. My annual evaluation did not go so well that year, either.

So it was with some trepidation that I—dressed in khakis and a pressed-and-tucked-in dress shirt—set off for an evening at Capstone in which some 160 Carolina students would be learning how to conduct themselves properly at a business dinner.

“The goal is to polish them up for interviews and a successful transition into the workplace,” said Larry Salters, director of the USC Career Center, which helps students with job prospects, conducts mock interviews, and assists with resumes. Fortunately, these kids are ahead of the curve and had the good sense to leave their baseball caps in their dorm rooms.

“Once they signed up, the Office of Special Events sent personal invitations from the president, and they were told to RSVP to that invitation,” Salters said. “We try to teach them the whole process of etiquette by e-mail or phone.”

Blackbaud, a Charleston-based software and services provider for the nonprofit industry, sponsored the event, and Karen Thompson, assistant director of career services at UNC-Wilmington, was the featured etiquette expert.

“If you have two candidates with equal technical skills and education, employers prefer the one with the better etiquette or soft skills—communication, interpersonal skills, the ability to be a team player,” Thompson said.

Because this generation of students is constantly on the go, with less time for family meals, table manners naturally suffer a bit. Thompson said today's students are like a reincarnation of the me-generation.

“They are focused on themselves, their classes, activities, leadership, and degrees,” she said. “As they make transitions into a more corporate environment, the dynamic changes significantly. For some people, that transition can be a challenge from a ‘me-centered’ environment to a team environment. The focus is no longer on what makes me happy, but what makes a situation happy for customers and clients.”

Thompson's presentation stressed the importance of first impressions, introductions, handshakes, and how to make a toast, deal with a cell phone call, and when and how to excuse yourself from the table.

Grace Blakely, a University and Presidential Ambassador, said she learned how to use utensils to communicate whether she was finished eating her meal. “When you're done, you cross them, and when you're not done, you place them straight across the top,” she said. “If you aren't done and they come by and start to take it, you don't want to say, ‘Oh, actually I'm a big pig, and I'm gonna keep going.’ ”

Two other Thompson tips: It's OK to rest your elbows on the table between courses, and the so-called European style of eating—in which the diner cuts his meat and pops the bite into his mouth without exchanging knife and fork— is perfectly acceptable.

If that sounds too casual, even Salters admits that some of the hard edges of etiquette are softening a bit. For instance, certain employers are letting their guard down a bit with dress codes.

“It's an interesting challenge. Some discourage professional dress. In marketing, there's more of a flip-flops and jeans environment. Several companies have come in to do interviews with students, and the interviewers wear the outfits they wear at work, and it's not professional dress.”

A reformed slacker, I am comforted and a bit jealous.